THE ISLAND OF DOCTOR MOGULUS!!!

By Billy G. Deal


CHAPTER ONE: THE DEATH OF THE BLOODY VIRGIN

I was having one of those kinds of days. You know. The kind of day that ends you up sitting in a yellow inflatable raft, with your legs hanging over the side, bobbing up and down in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The sun beat down onto my face'� my eyes were closed and through my eyelids the sun began to burn into my retinas. Now , I cant' be sure here, whether it was from the bad chocolate milk that I had just drank that I'd had the sense to grab from the cafeteria , or the sea sickness I was feeling, but as my eyes shot open, I began to see things in the sunlight swirling in the clouds above .

My eye danced as the sky changed color. The clouds waved and began forming psychedelic shapes'�.at first just abstract white swirls but soon becoming Words'� names '� of people'�.actors'� starring in the movie. People who produced the picture'� Editors. Writers. People who may or may not have gone and gotten snacks for the crew and cast'� dramatic African music thumped in the background as my eye vibrated, dancing in place, throbbing and blinking as the sky changed colors from brown to red, then to green, to yellow and back to grey and brown'� then the clouds began to finally part, as the tribal music slowed to a fevered climax, and form the words 'Starring, Written and Directed by MOGULUS!!!!'�. The music faded as the sky changed back to deep blue and I slumped back over the side of the raft.

My name is Champ Stockholm. And I am the Special Emissary to her Majesty, the Queen of Lavoritoria. I was on a diplomatic mission down to an island requesting country hood in the south seas and was getting there via the cruise liner 'Bloody Virgin'�, when we were torpedoed by a Japanese sub whom had obviously been buried by a collapsing glacier and flash frozen in an ice flow, only to defrost decades later and come to, thinking they were still on maneuvers in 1937'�.

Whatever the reason, the boat had gone down. Luckily I had the foresight to find and beat a wealthy, well- to do family to death and take their raft from them, using it to save myself. Now, as I bobbed up and down on the steaming hot ocean, I knew I was going to die.

A seagull flew overhead and accidentally dropped a sardine in my mouth. I coughed on it but the slippery fish wiggled straight down my throat'�. I began to feel a strange foaming sensation in my stomach and put my hand to it, lurching over the side and hurling a steady stream of chocolate vomit into the ocean below!!! It was too late! It was a sardine! And I was violently allergic to them! As I frothed and vibrated, losing control of my extremities, I choked on my own sick and passed out, still bobbing up and down on the high seas....
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I'm not sure how long I was out'� It couldn't have been long, or I would have been dead. I felt wet lips on mine and I was suddenly coughing to expel the slipped tongue that I hadn't expected. Someone was kissing me!!
'He doesn't need CPR, Joseph.'� A voice said.
'What IS wrong with him?!'�. Another asked.

I coughed, unable to speak, my throat still swollen. My vision was still blurry and I couldn't move my neck. But I was on a raft of some sort, and there were a few guys huddled around me. I spotted something yellow against the blue of the ocean and looked, squinting and seeing my raft sitting on the side of theirs.
'Cough'�'� I wheezed'� 'S'� Saaar Sardiiine'�'�
'Hey, Fleet! Get this guy a sardine!!!'�

I kicked and struggled'�
'NOOO!'� I continued'� 'Allergic'� cough'�'� I coughed up a piece of the fish from my throat'� I looked at them'� They were friendly enough looking.
'He's allergic'� We have a benadryl shot in the cooler'� get it.'� Fleet said. He was dressed all in black, with long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail'�. He extended his hand.
'My name is Fleet. Fleet Katana.'� He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. 'Glad to meet you.'�
'Champ Stockholm'� I said. 'I am Special Emissary to the'�'�
''�Champ Stockholm'�'� Joseph said. ''�Special Emissary to her Majesty the Queen of Lavoritoria.'�
'That's right'�'� I said. 'H... how do you know who I ..'�
"..He heard you cursing about your position when you were in some kind of drugged stupor on the boat."
'You were on the boat too? Brilliance.'� I asked'� 'How'� how many of you are there? I can't really see all that well quite yet.'�

'There's me...'� Fleet began'� 'Then Joseph here'� his brother Ralph'� and over there is our new buddy, Kid'�'� He pointed to the rear of the boat, where a little chubby guy with short, curly brown hair was steering the raft with a motor from a speed boat, and a rudder made from used cereal packets. He waved, smiling.

'The grown two work for me.'� He explained. Ralph and Joseph stood up, saluting. 'We do things for a living. The kid here owned the motor and insisted he come along. We had built this raft from pieces of the ship we salvaged before it went down.'�
'I myself'�'� I lied'� 'Was in the first class section, on top, where all the fighting broke out after the explosion blew the ship in half. I saw this upper crust dude buying this raft from a fisherman on board for like, 5000 bucks. Soon after that I realized I was going to die. So I found the nearest living thing and beat it to death. It turned out it was the guy, and I took his raft. I had stolen some supplies from the cafeteria, but they didn't last. And I've been out here for '� like, how many days now'�'�

'One day now.'� Fleet said. 'It happened this morning. But it's been rough.'�
I stood, realizing the raft was really much bigger than I thought it was'�. I heard the waves breaking on all 4 sides and guesstimated that it was about 20 feet square, and had a big sail mast sticking out the top of it. Still, there was no land in any direction'� and we were all hungry.

We drifted for days, making small talk all the while. Suddenly, Kid stood up and pointed'�
'Look'�'� He began'�'� In the direction of that gale'�'� He and I looked at the black storm cloud headed our way. 'I saw something'�'�
'What, Kid?!'� Joseph said. Ralph looked at him. 'Save yer energy." It started to drizzle.

The sky lit up with lightning. We stood, staring. A clap of lightning on the horizon lit up the silhouette of a giant oil rig in the distance.
'I saw it too!!!'� I said.
'An oil platform!!!'� Kid said. 'Off on the horizon!"
'That's in the DIRECTION of the storm!!!'� Fleet said. 'Crank up the engine and let's try to make it! If we don't, hell, fuck it. We don't want to be out here at night during a storm anyway!!!'�

Kid cranked up the engine and we began struggling against the current, skimming toward the tiny oil rig, as the waves began to get tiny white foam caps on them'�.
The lightning crashed, overhead, ominously as the wind howled.
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The waves broke onto the front of the life raft like a giant ham sandwich into Star Jones' mouth as the motor continued humming, propelling the raft into the direction of the storm. The rain had began to pick up and I sat beside Fleet, holding onto the mast, as Joseph and Ralph worked around the raft, making sure the bindings that held it together didn't come untied.

The generic chit chat that we had all shared no less than ten minutes ago was now dashed. We were all silent as we sped forth, toward both the night and the storm that was gathering to destroy us before we reached the oil rig. We were overtaken by the dark. We went for about ten minutes and then Fleet gave Kid the signal to kill the engine and we began to float. The Swells were now around 4 feet and were not going to let up. With no moon, the dark became absolute. Fleet broke out a flashlight. Its batteries were weak and the light was dim, going from white to yellow rather quickly.

He waved it around...
'What are we going to do now?'� Joseph asked. Ralph gave him some hand signals that they looked at each other.
Fleet growled'� 'If it wasn't for the goddamn current we would have MADE it, people.'� The flashlight went yellow to brown and gave out'�.
'Not now!!!'� He screamed'� 'Now when we were so close to safety!!!'� He shook it, trying to salvage some precious voltage from them.
'I'll turn the wheel sideways and we'll circle till morning. Don't worry.'� Kid said. Fleet took the flashlight and threw it at him. Kid dodged and it flew into the dark, and hit something metal! A loud dong reverberated from the impact and we instantly shut the hell up, jumped to our feet and looked that direction.

Lightning crashed and revealed the giant oil platform, no less than 30 feet from the raft!!!
'MOTOR!!!'� Fleet yelled. Kid smiled as we revved up to the center of the huge square, stilted structure. It was enormous. The only reason we knew we were under it was the lack of rain. The ocean was just as rough as ever, though.

'Ok...'� Joseph said as Ralph tied the raft to a ladder attached to the center support beam. 'We should climb this I suppose'�. It will be difficult to get a hold of the ladder with these swells!!! Thank god the lightning keeps blasting or I wouldn't be able to see!!!'�
One by one, we climbed from the raft, which was rising up and down over 5 feet now, onto the ladder. I was last in line, and as we made height, climbing up the 100 foot stilt, we were relatively glad to be feeling steady ground.

A bright search light system, 5 lights, one on each stilt, sprung to life suddenly, and waved in all directions as an alarm sounded! My heart dropped from impending feelings of dread...
'What the hell is this now?!'� Fleet sarcassed'�. 'A security system '� on a fucking OIL RIG?!'�

The lights converged on the ladder and the alarm sounded for a few more seconds and stopped.

The hatch above Kid's head opened up and he climbed up inside the rig. Followed by Joseph, Ralph and then Fleet. I looked down'�. A rogue wave, over 15 feet high, came in under the rig and bashed our raft into so much crap. There would be no turning back now. But something didn't feel right about this.

I took a deep breath and quickly climbed inside.
The hatch was silent and still for a few long moments, then, it closed suddenly. The lights went dark and the only sound was the rushing current of the waves.

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