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Mick
Mick J
Australia

Words: 103
Access: Public
Comments: 9

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The Willows

One cloudless night, we find the moon, in mysterious harbour.
Lustrous and belonging too, it carries the tide, high and full.

Waters fresh, teased, with gentle lapping motions,
tickle the banks that seldom meet the rise.

Lucid lips forage new grounds, high in the shallows,
brimming with anticipation for finding their tender morsel.

The pendulous, bowing branches of the Willow, inspire the waters to ripple, decidedly, as they sway and gently caress the mirrored surface.

Formed out of darkness, the leafy shades of subtle steely grey, stand like monumental, silent witnesses, of the eternal ebb and flow.

Basking, in the moonlights pearlescent glow.

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Comments  
skypoetone Comment by: skypoetone Online- 2008-08-15 09:45
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It is sumptuous; whatever form you will it to be. ~T
Mick Comment by: Mick - 2008-08-15 00:49
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Thank you Ash, Alien... I'm a little lost for words at the moment and that's the best I could come up with at the time. I'm grateful for your time and every comment, suggestion is taken with great thought on improvising my next.

Cheers

Mick.
alien Comment by: alien - 2008-08-14 08:08
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It's got a nice atmosphere and imagery. I think that to make it more 'prose' poetry, it might be as well to not break the lines the way you have - have the sentences structured as full sentences and only use stanza breaks where you would usually use paragraphs in normal prose. Then it will fit the challenge more precisely.
ashkrafton Comment by: ashkrafton - 2008-08-14 03:57
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The imagery is subtle but outstanding--the silver of moonlight on water below the gray willow trees--monocrhomatic, shadow-filled, and splendid. Eh, I like night stuff :)

I also like this form; while I can easily envision Phil's suggestion--and would enjoy reading it as such--I think the longer lines give it a classical feel, almost Byronic. Who better than Byron to mope along a river at night, able to capture a spot of moonlight? That was his charm, and you did well to find your own.

Byron was also rather cheeky, so doubly-well-done.
Mick Comment by: Mick - 2008-08-14 00:36
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Yeah Phil... That's the usual approach I would have taken with this but for the challenge I tried a different way of structuring the piece, adding the punctuation where I thought it was needed. Thanks for the look. :)

I’m looking forward to Aliens remarks. Prose Poetry, as I take it, has pretty wide boundaries.
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