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Comment by: esknapp - 2008-09-16 12:30
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Mick,
This is really forceful and well-done. It is raw in that it strikes viscerally but the flow is actually well-refined. I have just one question about wording: in the second stanza should lines 7-8 read, "glowing hollow, hallowed in my eyes?' I really loved this. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-08-18 08:42
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Okay. The words that actually physically came out of my mouth when I finally took a breath after reading this were not suitable to post here but sounded something like "hucking fell".
I absolutely love this piece. It's like a ribbon that just flows out and around and tightens and thrills the mind with its brilliant colour.
And then I read it again with the same reaction and also a little disbelief (in a good way).
There's a lot of clever bits in this (in a good way) and I love it partly because it reminds me a lot of the kinds of things I have written myself whilst in certain dark states of mind. I read this and realise that lately my poetry has possibly become a little too refined because the raw quality of this is hard to ignore, as is the raw beauty and the isness of it.
Good work. I like this a lot. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-08-18 08:34
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Before I even read it, I'm going to point out that it's not a prose poem - it's a poem poem. It's got line breaks. So, it couldn't be included in the judging even if it was on time.
But I'm going to read it now anyway :) |
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| Is the fallen angel here Satan? I think this is a depressing piece but can't find flaw with it. There is a great mind working between your ears, MICK. |
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"my life is on the flipside
of eluded allocations"
I love those two lines, and this is another brilliant piece. I love how well this flows; you can tell it was written quickly and without over-thinking it. It's like one continuous thought. Beautiful work. |
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