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lilgoldenray
Toni Roberts
Trinidad and Tobago

Words: 201
Access: Public
Comments: 19

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Over and Out (Wee 45)

The smoke curled in the humid air. The sheets felt damp and sticky under me. I lay sprawled, one leg over the edge of the bed whilst the linen sheet was draped loosely over my groin. I looked around the dim room. At the far end, next to the door, stood a bookshelf filled with porcelain dolls all looking at me, half smiling and blushing. The walls were a bubble gum pink scattered with posters of pop stars and ‘one hit wonders’. Everything that I laid my eyes on was in pristine condition and insanely organized. The sheets smelled faintly of wild flowers reminding me of early spring.

I felt her warmth and softness next to me, her breath against my chest. Her tousled hair fell over her face hiding her angelic features. Her body felt so tiny and fragile in my arms. She whispered my name and her eyelids fluttered. A sliver of light cut across a framed picture of her and her parents at her graduation. She looked so sweet and innocent. She looked safe in their arms.

That’s when I said to myself, “Dude, she's just a kid.” I rolled her over and I was out.

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Comments  
gtvincent Comment by: gtvincent - 2008-10-21 05:59
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Dear Toni, Excellent visualizations of the room and the girl. You captured the moment beautifully, and although I would have loved to read more, it was enough to show that you are a very talented writer. Keep up the good work. GTVincent.
Scarlet Shimmer Comment by: Scarlet Shimmer - 2008-09-13 23:28
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I very much enjoyed this! She's not so innocent, it seems. = )
nurseytonya Comment by: nurseytonya - 2008-09-13 17:30
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Nicely done. What a wake up call for the man! I'm guessing she's recently graduated from high school (not college) and he's quite a bit older?
I loved the bedrooom description.
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-09-13 12:20
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Very nice descriptions - loved the childish images of dolls, bubblegum etc. mixed with the evidence of the recent 'adult' act.

I'm a little confused by the last line (I think I may be trying too hard) - not sure whether he's regretful or still lustful.

But very nicely done.

Thanks for the read.

Cheers

Karen
Still thinking Comment by: Still thinking - 2008-09-10 23:18
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insanely organized....well ,really nice one ..liked the way you played with the images. I agree with rest of the comments it did make visualization easy !
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By lilgoldenray

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