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Aunt Louanda's Pool
There's a pool of sweat in my belly button hollow. It's coming from an invisible well between my breasts. It pushes its way up and out of my skin and runs steadily downward to the pool. I trace the stream with my eraser tip and watch my hairs straighten. Fat drops of sweat begin to run fast down my neck, across the well cave, into the river and down to the pool. I feel them forming at my temples and under my arms and behind my knees. The heat forces me to take shallow breaths.
Why did he send me flowers? Those flowers annoy me. They say, "reciprocate. reciprocate."
My son is quiet and good swimming in circles. Aunt Louanda's pool is full of light blue beautiful water so soft you feel you are swimming in yourself. I can't tell where my skin ends and the water begins.
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Comment by: Aille - 2007-11-02 16:56
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Extraordinary usage of imagery to communicate a very introspective stream of consciousness. I can feel the oppressive heat right on you as well as the relief that jumping in a pool offers. The emotion of annoyance with someone's entreaty for attention in the flowers is a bridge from oppressive heat to cool relief.
Me likey. |
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4.8.07
You have very clearly, graphically, and poetically put your audience inside of your skin with the highly personal, riveting, self absorption of the feelings that you have. It is writing that is designed to evoke the feelings, tensions and inner feelings that lie just below the surface and this is a great place to put us since we want to know more, much, much more. As we keep turning the pages in your adventure, journey, we discover that there is much more to you. We discover that you are in great pain and you have given a name to it. the pain is what causes us to want to know why you felt this pain. Thank you for your story. enjoyable yet broadening our outer consciousness to keep pace with your inner misery.
dadhiltonmps "cat" |
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| I agree with Kerosene. I'm going to steal those lines! |
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What great lines:
water so soft you feel you are swimming in yourself. I can't tell where my skin ends and the water begins.
john |
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| "Why did he send me flowers? Those flowers annoy me. They say, reciprocate. reciprocate." Interesting analyzation...and cliche as well. |
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