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The Right Place II
“I don’t really want to hurt you, but I need to tell you something.” Anna picked up the plastic spoon and stirred her black coffee.
Ben looked away. “What is it?”
“I’m leaving you,” Anna placed the spoon sideways between them.
The sounds of people ordering lunch almost drowned out her words. The moment swelled with sadness. Tears appeared at the edges of Ben’s eyes.
“Where will you go?” Ben blinked a tear onto the edge of a white paper napkin.
“I’m not sure. I haven’t found the right place yet. I’m going to stay at my sister’s for now,” Anna pushed the cup of coffee away. “I hate black coffee.”
“What about the baby?” Ben blinked another tear.
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Comment by: davex - 2008-10-09 07:49
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| A small poignant scene of life. Raises a lot of questions about the child right from whether he/she has been born, able or disabled, there in the cafe, home, hospital. Is he the father or lover? I feel for them both whatever the answer. |
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Comment by: crows - 2008-10-05 10:37
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| Oh very nice. Ends at precisely the right moment, and leave me wondering with desperately sympathetic questions. Is he going to be a single dad? Is she still pregnant? Maybe this was just a PLANNED baby? Is it born and she's taking it with him? I don't know! Either way, definitely grabbed me. I particularly enjoy the detail of the spoon being set down... for some reason, for me, that gesture - as described - crystalized the scene into being very 'real' for me. It's the small things, and all. |
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-10-01 16:34
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Fantastic last line - one of those 'ouch' moments.
something.”, - what's that comma for? Are you being deliberatley eclectic with your punctuation just to wind me up, young man?
Another cracking wee from you, Phil.
Cheers
Karen |
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| Nice. |
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| Powerfull, has just the right strength of emotion for me, one for my library. ~T |
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