Visions-Alien Poetry Challenge 24
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Visions-Alien Poetry Challenge 24
Visions of a commune, ocker-hippie lingo
Images of Uluru, transgressions of a dingo
A diamond studded cosmos, half a cheesy-moon
Incense and a guitar, lighter burns a spoon
Outback canine bogeyman, trotting in the dark
Nabbed a little bubba, without a yelp or bark
Stigma of a red-rock and Alice of the Springs.
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Comment by: alien - 2008-09-27 09:50
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I like the rhythm a lot - it conjures up an image in itself. Punctuation.
It ended a little abruptly for me, as though it's crying out to be longer. The music of the words is great, though! :) |
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Thankyou Mick
Yeah mate, have a few bonza rellies in the land of Oz. Going over there next week to Sidnee and melbourne. |
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Comment by: Mick - 2008-09-24 04:21
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| 'Outback canine bogeyman'... have you seen them too ??? Nice one Lez... But for a New Zealander, this has a very Aussie feel about it. :P |
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Thank you for your comments. I wasn't planning to write this with much in the way of rhythm, just the way it turned out I suppose.
the rhythm I chose in the end is a little similar to a poem I use to like sometime back. Forget who wrote it.
"four and twenty ponies,
trotting in the dark,
Brandy for the Parson,
Backie for the clarke ...etc" |
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7 line song !
my god !!
too tricky and a lot of rhythm as well :)
" lighter burns a spoon”, I really love this ...keep posting! |
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