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phillmag
phillip maguire
Online
United States, pa., middletown

Words: 59
Access: Public
Comments: 15

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If You Insist

He held the red, ripe, round fruit between his forefinger and thumb, admiring its beauty.

“Go ahead-d-d, bite it-t-t,” the serpent said. “He gave you free will, didn’t-t-t He?”

“That’s true,” Adam affirmed.

“So He want-t-ts-s you to choose, but how will you know what-t-t’s-s right-t-t and-d-d wrong unles-s-s you eat-t-t the fruit-t-t? S-s-so-o, biite i-it-t-t.”

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Comments  
davex Comment by: davex - 2008-10-07 04:16
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Issss goood. The decision making process is always the classic dilemma. So Adam jumped, whether he was pushed or not. Quite bloody right too!
bebelestrange Comment by: bebelestrange - 2008-09-28 18:47
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Good work, Phil. This one definitely made me want to throw out the apples. Ha:)
JNeas Comment by: JNeas - 2008-09-26 19:00
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I like the philosophical point the serpent makes. It's great that the audience is left to decide, despite knowing the consequences already.
phillmag Comment by: phillmag Online- 2008-09-26 15:56
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Thanks, Nora. I did that on Word, but it didn't look right. But the way it looks in your comment seems better. I'll edit it and see what others think.
Nora Comment by: Nora - 2008-09-26 14:57
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Ooh! Good one, Phil. I can hear the snake. Its voice is stuttery and rattle-y. What if you were to hyphenate between the consonants? Like, "Go ahead-d-d-d, bite it-t-t"? Just a suggestion, of course.
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