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wizzer
geordie carew
Online
Australia

Words: 188
Access: Public
Comments: 7

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The Mini Mental

Ticking and crossing boxes, she asked the important questions.

“Where are you? What year is it? What season is it? What’s this called? Repeat after me…”

She leant in close to speak loudly into a deaf ear, the chair hard and uncomfortable beneath her buttocks.
The pungent aroma of faeces twitching her nose, she kept on asking the questions as her mind asked other questions.
Has she soiled herself? How can I check her bottom?

The old woman smiled. Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she interrupted,

“You know you’re sitting on a dirty pot under there?”

Relief showing that she didn’t have to check Flo’s undies, the nurse waved an airy hand, “Never mind! I’ll empty it when we’ve finished. Let’s just carry on! Next! Write a sentence of your choice, any sentence of your choice.”

Flo took the pen, settled the page and wrote in shaky yet careful hand: You are . . .

Head tilted, Flo looked at the nurse, mischief lighting her eyes. The nurse raised her eyebrows in return and both laughed as Flo finished the sentence: . . . lovely.

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Comments  
wizzer Comment by: wizzer Online- 2008-11-20 23:23
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YOU are lovely ! also love your halloween pic!
xxxgc
larciero Comment by: larciero Online- 2008-11-20 06:44
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This was very good. It left me with a sense of comfort. Love this piece.
wizzer Comment by: wizzer Online- 2008-10-19 04:22
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thankyou!
i feel that my writing has been overpowered by my work lately (actually so overpowered that i have rarely written) so i especially thank you for helping me get back on track
xxxgc
WLC Comment by: WLC - 2008-10-15 15:56
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What a charming interaction -- and a whimsical finish. Could see the twinkle in the old lady's eyes. Sweet mini scene.

(JMO) Your ending could be a little tighter and slightly more active:

Flo took the pen, settled the page and wrote in shaky yet careful hand: You are . . .

Head tilted, Flo looked at the nurse, mischief lighting her eyes. The nurse raised her eyebrows in return and both laughed as Flo finished the sentence: . . . lovely.
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-10-14 21:12
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Good read! I do agree with Arley. Best wishes.
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