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Word Chef
Fumbling, stumbling blindly
Through a word-filled
Bramble-bush.
Words that aren't quite ripe
Getting picked up
In the rush.
Some words sit there
Plump and fat,
Oozing out their juices.
Other words like spices
Small and round
Each with different uses.
The words uncooked
But freshly-picked
Await their recipe.
Will this mixture work?
Just have a taste
And see.
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It's good, but I think there's something missing in your metaphor. You use the picture of a bramble bush in first stanza. You wrote:
Fumbling, stumbling blindly
Through a word-filled
Bramble-bush.
I have a friend who is legally blind; she bumps into posts in the supermarket. If one is picking fruit, "stumbling blindly" anywhere near a "Bramble-bush" seems there might be pain, prickers, wounds, something. Maybe the second stanza could indicate some hardship associated with all those words wandering through the Brambles. Just an idea. Janet |
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Comment by: mootiy - 2007-05-18 14:38
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| i really like this. Sounds good |
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Comment by: sudipal - 2007-02-28 17:29
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| i like the extened metaphor. this is a really nice poem. |
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Comment by: GrkGrl - 2006-11-08 19:19
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| i adore this! |
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Comment by: Min - 2006-06-10 00:13
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| Excellent. This mixture worked for me. Clever title. |
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"Small Voices, Big Confessions"
Can you hear them? Theyâ??re everywhere. Voices that canâ??t be contained by the boxes around our work, our homes, our families. Voices that shine through the cracks in our everyday lives. Voices with tales to tell.
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