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the OLD MAN O THE MOUNTAIN sez: And O!, such existential agony! Are you, my dear poet, the protagonist? For the sake of the diatribe, I'll address all my chatter to "you". OK? It's just a conceit. I don't mean to make fun of the poet's suffering, but let me say this: the poet I have read, you, has all the tools, skills, and ear, what is missing can come only after long 1) practice (you are doing that!) and 2) long self-processing ... and one other element I am not sure how to describe, or to capture: Grace. Grace is the gift. But can it be won? You have some already. But can you get more? I don't know, and I am not so sure HOW. I think that IT can only come through LOVE. This is all I can offer. Have you ever been so in love that the relationship with the beloved actually CHANGED YOUR PERCEPTION? Like in a Disney movie, the flowers begin to glow brighter, the mountain actually looks 3D (and not just the normal visual clues, either; you can SEE the space), the trees became translucent, and every soul with whom you have discourse looks, ACTUALLY LOOKS to your eye, like a god or goddess? "Everybody loves a lover" because the lover is actually OPENING UP and loving. So how do you find love? O Lordy, I wish I could tell you that. Are you old and married? Then you might have the more difficult job of falling in love with the one you are with. I don't mean ??comfortable with? or ??affectionate toward?, I mean LOVE! How do you do that? Get drunk with her (or him, if that is your taste). Smoke dope with your spouse. Pay attention and care for THE OTHER. Coupled (or whatever) or single, GO OUT in the world and talk to everyone. Listen to them. Don't worry about getting laid - you've already done that - just talk to everyone until you find someone who holds your interest and who holds you. Male. Female. Makes no difference. Walk of life is of no account. Find someone who makes your head swim (someone you feel means you no harm) ...although destroying your cherished paradigm might threaten you. Find someone who teases open your mind and your heart and your eyes. It makes no difference how it ends; it is the process and the learning that counts. Fer crissakes don't feign love! You'll pay for that one. If you would be a GREAT poet, painter, writer, singer, architect, plumber, bus driver, income tax form filler-outer, sculptor, lover, you have to love and love selflessly. Harry Crews, that tough old sonofabitch and wonderful writer said, "It's all about love. Or the absence of it." |
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