Kerosene
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30/01/2008 | I didnt predict the ending at all. Actually, as I was reading it, I had no clue where the story was going. Good job. |
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krademacher
Online
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30/01/2008 | not boring at all, it had a real zinger at the end. Keep working on it |
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GLWard
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30/01/2008 | Nope, not predictable or boring. Nice job. |
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Bernadette
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30/01/2008 | Spirits well and truly lifting and all your suggestions incorporated. Thanks B.xox |
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Ria
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31/01/2008 | Great story, really enjoyed it. Nope, not boring! Quite suspenseful. too bad it had to end so soon. |
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Nora
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31/01/2008 | Wow. I have never been so attracted to something described as boring and predictable before. Interesting approach. I'm off to read it... |
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Bernadette
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31/01/2008 | Thanks Nora, Ria -
It did originally end: "A movement near the top made her shift her line of vision, her mouth opened, scream-shaped, as she stared at someone, something, dead, undead. She heard with ...."
But I scythed that sentence back to where it is as I thought I was perhaps insulting the reader's intelligence....and also 'cos I haven't a clue what she saw - haha. I was trying to produce something under 300 words for a competition.....
Do you think I should put it back??? |
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Ria
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31/01/2008 | See option 3, in comments on your story. A simple statement might do the trick, without any hubbub. |
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vikrammohindru
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01/02/2008 | Superb story ... enjoyed every bit of it.. |
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